didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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