kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
