I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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