So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
