Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
