based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
did you just send me my own nude
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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