I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize