Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
