I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
