@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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