He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
