those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
