I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
