I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what day is it and did you see me today?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
