happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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