How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
