one two three fourrrrnication!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
