How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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