Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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