Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
