It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
