Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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