I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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