I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can tuck mytits in my pants
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
