farters have to be the big spoon...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry about my life...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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