I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
