how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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