Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Say something about gay babies.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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