dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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