At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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