hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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