I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
