Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
