James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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