i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
