she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
