Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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