i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
