my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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