the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
