She's JV to your varsity
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
