You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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