Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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