cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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