Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
