I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
