my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize