I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
