I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
