I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
