i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
