I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
