i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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