I wanna bring you to show and tell
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
