I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
