What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
