I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
