God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
