If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
