Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize