Do you still have your period?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
