Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
