We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
