so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
