I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
