if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
