Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
