Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
