nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
