I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
