i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
