Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
