In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
