Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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