I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
