Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You are the jesus of drinking
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
