She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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