Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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