so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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