**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
