1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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