My nipple is on Facebook.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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