The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
