The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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