Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
