I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
