A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
