I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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