So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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