3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
