i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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