quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
