I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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