he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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