Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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