i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
